DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
