I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
