I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize