My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
