i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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