We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
