my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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