i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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