tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
