There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
