The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
