I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
