I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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