please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
too bad you live with your parents still
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
