I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
