He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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