yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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