oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize