Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
