this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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