sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
