At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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