Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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