If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
