She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
