omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
