brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
