i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
tell me about the fingering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
