So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
