i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
