Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
