I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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