He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
