Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
