her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
