went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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