why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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