I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
