Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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