I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
