Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
