He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
