My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize