so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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