She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
