The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
