Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
third nipple confirmed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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