let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
