Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
did i just pee glitter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
