if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
