wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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