Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
