He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
