I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
