If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
