Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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