i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
