This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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