Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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