I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He passed out mid-signature
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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