She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
