Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
