I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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