Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
