She bit a glass in half.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
