i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
