Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
