i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
