nut hugger
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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