I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize