I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
