i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
