I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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