this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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